Ending the Violence And Silence

Photo courtesy of Ada Derana

Today is International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.

There has been a positive change in Sri Lanka in the past 5 to 10 years in the recognition of the rights of women and children. This is the result of the decade long efforts of grassroots activist groups who have founded and sustained organisations that provide assistance and support to the most vulnerable groups in our society.

An overview of the current situation suggests that a great deal of great work is being done by dedicated individuals and groups but that until now each has often worked separately. This year, there is an initiative to recognise and showcase co-existence, collaboration and co-operation, to co-ordinate a collective approach to raising awareness of the work that needs to be done to uplift the status of women and girls.

When we enter the terms Sri Lanka and Women in conjunction into an internet search engine, we are informed that in the Gender Inequality Index, Sri Lanka ranks 74th among 187 countries.

“While there is hope for a future of gender equality, women in Sri Lanka still lack representation in government and access to employment opportunities while suffering from cultural preconceptions of female roles,” according to writer Tatiana Nelson.

The current inequities in the status and dignity of women are retarding the progress of the country, not only in economic terms, but in terms of justice, consensus on ethics, morality and all the measures by which we call a country unified, prosperous and effective.

In this context the 16 Days Of Activism, which begins today in Colombo, is a project that highlights the stepping up and stepping forward of Sri Lanka to join a global initiative to raise awareness of the rights of women to live in a more equitable and safer world. The focus is on challenging the normalisation of violence against women – known as Gender Based Violence or GBV.

The community is being asked to see beyond the surface of our myths, assumptions and preferred beliefs. Violence is now not only seen as physical acts of assault and harm which damage a person but also verbal insults, inappropriate conduct in the workplace, online targeting, contempt, mockery and harassment. The psychological aspect of being subjected to continually degrading treatment is debilitating. Apprehension of harm and violence makes people fearful and passive in situations which impede their growth and this cumulatively affects society as a whole.

The cultural preconceptions that underly this inequitable treatment must be directly addressed and challenged, on a community level. Laws enacted at government level for the protection of vulnerable citizens fail if they are not enforced by individuals faced with situations in which women are being impacted by violence.

A central difficulty is the negative public perception of those impacted by gender based violence as victims. Technically many are victims of crimes. But a more positive framing of them is as survivors of those crimes. Those who have not suffered such assaults on their dignity and safety often struggle to empathize, and often judge the stories of such survivors, comparing their decisions unfavorably with what we would do in their position, and blaming them for “playing the victim” or “making bad choices”.

Intensifying this deficit in empathy is the social barriers of race, ethnicity and socio-economic class difference, which militate against the recognition of the validity of the suffering experienced by our fellow citizens. In a patriarchal society, the structures of governance are enacted and upheld largely by men who, through the filters of their gender privilege, fail to effectively see the need for change or treat it as a priority for the country.

This is true in many countries in the world, and it is notable that the countries we see as economically prosperous and politically powerful today, have far greater representation of women in decision making positions of political authority in both public and private sectors and in the corporate sphere.

Women have had a slow and difficult journey to be seen as capable and to be valued for their skills and efforts in South Asia. Their second class status as citizens is a projection of misogynistic cultural values embedded in outdated beliefs, fuelled by patriarchal myths and set into tradition and internalised by generations of both men and women into a distorted and damaging status quo.

Education of individuals is needed to heighten awareness of the context in which acts of injustice and violence occur; that although each sexual assault is one incident, it is not a one off but part of a pattern both in that relationship and in the society as a whole. Awareness is also being gained of the long term impact of violence on those who endure it. Those subjected to damage and disrespect are often permanently affected by their experience while the perpetrators continue to offend, often not being brought to justice.

Through the rise of the internet, collective awareness is being raised of the different reality in which women live. It is eye opening to see the way the younger generation of Sri Lankan people are using their platforms to speak out with articulacy and courage against the tirade of obscenity and objectification directed at women on FB and Twitter.

A young female lawyer recently said on her public social media platform: “I generally avoid FB like the plague but when I do venture there I find new ways that men in this country disappoint me. To be robbed of dignity as a woman, whether alive or dead, is the terrible reality we have to live with…Ironic that the running theme in this country has been system change, but the depravity of men still reigns supreme. Like there’s any room for system change without change from within.”

As we as individuals gain awareness of the existing injustices in our society and recognise with gratitude our own relative protections in relation to them, we can now work together more effectively to remedy these problems. Part of the recognition involves an active journey on our own parts, to see that we are all affected by the issues which exist in our society. No amount of privilege can protect us or immunise or indemnify us as the issues have a bearing on everyone. We may not be experiencing direct violence ourselves on an ongoing basis but the statistics are such that we are interacting with those who have been affected by it.

Just as we choose what we eat, and wear, we also choose what to believe and how we behave. What we say yes to and what we say no to.

For 10 days from December 1, a series of events and stalls in a collective showcasing of these issues, entitled Say No Together, will be held at Independence Arcade and open to the public. Advocacy and Communications Consultant Shanuki De Alwis is co-ordinating the 16 Days Of Activism this year to raise community awareness of women’s rights to safety against violence. There will be static exhibits, screenings, a market place, interactive forums, open mic nights, theatrical performances, workshops and panel discussions presented by 35 NGOs and organisations across 16 days from morning until night. The program has been made possible by GIZ and Strengthening Social Cohesion and Peace in Sri Lanka (SCOPE).

It seems from an overview of the content of the papers and television broadcasts that in Sri Lanka serious issues are often side lined by a focus on sensationalism or a selectively superficial approach. The recent furore about female teachers and controlling what they wear in the classroom is a perfect example of this. Public opinion often emotive, biased and provocative, floods any community discussion and in this context need for societal change is drowned out by noise and drama.

The violence of the recent war, terrorist attacks, the disruptions of the pandemic and the economic crises have resulted in economic damage to the most vulnerable in our society. Many people have become noticeably dissociated from and desensitised to others’ pain as a result of prolonged exposure to concurrent trauma. People expressing requests for financial help – in the context of what is described as a humanitarian crisis this country is currently experiencing – are now being mocked: “Oh God, not again, Single Mother with a Daughter, Husband a drug addict. Oh puuulllleeezzzzzzz can y’all at least change the template”.

The template definitely needs to change. And hopefully we can work towards a world where people are not in such distress, compounded of economic and social breakdown and such lack of empathy in our citizenry is not normalised.

Read about the events at https://www.facebook.com/SCOPESriLanka

The Never Ending Saree

Image Courtesy: From Elizabeth Seeger’s ‘Five Brothers’ - an English adaptation of stories from The Mahabharata.

A week ago, an attempt to prompt Sri Lanka forward into the 21st century was stymied. 

On 21st November, 2022, some female school teachers in Sri Lanka posted photographs of themselves on social media dressed in their interpretation of the ‘appropriate and modest attire’ in which they preferred to teach their classes. 

This apparently simple and straightforward action caused a great deal of controversy and comment which illuminated the attitudes of many sectors of society. It had been suggested as an alternative to the traditional dress of the saree worn by most female teachers in the country. This innovation was put forward in accordance with the suggestion that public servants should be able to dress in less cumbersome clothes in the workplace; but teachers were quite rapidly declared to be in a category to which this liberating principle did not apply. 

The saree has been called ‘a magical unstitched garment’ by Rta Kapur Chishti, and is a glorious piece of clothing with a rich history. It can be worn in a myriad modes and styles. There are a variety of different textiles from which it can be made: cotton and nylon and linen for everyday wear, plain or patterned, silk for special occasions, and also highly ornate, lavishly decorated versions, bejewelled and sumptuous, for those once-in-a-lifetime very very special occasions. 

Some sarees are worn to display the textiles themselves, some to display the beauty of the person wearing it: see through or cutaway material accompanied by tight fitting blouses are worn by some ladies with modern sleeveless and halter neck designs which expose their arms and entire upper backs. Some ladies in Colombo ‘high society’ do not seem to be wearing blouses with their sarees at all! 

Professionally trained school teachers of course do not generally wear such revealing garments to teach school classes. The focus of the school students should be on the content of the course materials, rather than the faces and figures, the cleavage, the hair and makeup, the accessories, and even the personalities of their instructors. Women are often accused in patriarchal societies of behaving like sirens, and shamed for provocative self-presentation. This sociocultural incident in which a wish to grant choice to working women in their everyday lives is sandbagged, is a good example of the way clothes and appearance are used to attempt to shame and silence women. 

That said, from an outsider’s viewpoint, it is a pleasure to see the beautifully dressed ladies in their vibrant and colorful flowing fabrics against a sombre and sober backdrop of men in dark suits and white shirts in corporate settings, group photographs, or in legal proceedings, in this country. The beauty and colour which the garments of professional women showcase seem to diminish the fact that there are so few of them in number, statistically, in comparison to men in the higher echelons of Sri Lankan professional spheres. 

In fact, the whole recent furore, which some call ‘Saree Gate’, and its rapid emergence and suppression, seems to have turned a serious social issue into an item of trivia, a form of hoopla which made the control and surveillance of the conduct of women via an enforced dress code seem like a minor distraction. 

The saree itself is six yards of cloth. That is a lot of material to wear in a humid, tropical climate; and the wearer is further encumbered by the need to wear a long petticoat or underskirt underneath the saree, and being in danger of tripping on its pleats. When running for a bus, trying to navigate sudden rainstorms or weather events, or move with any degree of ease and mobility up or down uneven sets of steps, sarees are a real hindrance to the wearer. 

It is impossible to walk in anything but a sedate way, or to run or jump in a saree - unless it is hitched up. On the plus side, because of their intricate drapery, and the relative immobility this necessitates, sarees confer elegance and dignity on the wearer. 

Sarees can also be useful and practical. They pack flat, and so are a godsend to the stressed luggage packer when travelling. One made to measure blouse can be matched with many different sarees. And they can make effective improvised curtains or temporary screens when needed. Repurposed, they can provide material for dresses, scarves, caftans, bags and cushions. Thus a beautiful piece of material can be appreciated over a lifetime. In fact, many young ladies are gifted sarees from their grandmothers and great grandmothers as heirloom pieces. 

It is a fact that, during periods of austerity, some Sri Lankan families used sarees as bed linen in lieu of sheets. And in 2022, during one of the most severe ongoing economic crises in this country, many female teachers now cannot afford to buy new sarees or pay tailors to make new saree blouses and petticoats. Skirts, blouses, trousers and shirts are less fragile and more durable. 

In an intensely poetic iteration, in the famous Indian epic, The Mahabharata, the Princess Draupadi is saved from public humiliation by the saree she is wearing. Dragged in front of a large assembly, and threatened with public disrobing, she prays for relief from Lord Darma, who sees her purity of heart and distress, and grants her wish; making the yards of cloth she is wearing seem endlessly self renewing: 

‘Then Draupadi, resplendent still in her beauty, covered her face, crying aloud, “O Darma, lord of justice, protector of the virtuous, save me, who am suffering here!’ And the illustrious Darma heard her and covered her with beautiful garments of many colours. As one garment was pulled from her body, another appeared, covering her, until many robes of different colours were heaped up in that assembly and her would-be humiliator, tired and ashamed, sat down.’ (From ‘The Five Brothers’, adapted in English by Elizabeth Seeger). 

We first heard this story as children. Of course we called it ‘The Never Ending Saree’. 

More close to home and in our own contemporary era, one of the lively protagonists in Nadishka Aloysius’s recent mystery novel ‘Body In A Paddy Field’ makes her attitude to the enforced wearing of saree for teachers in a school setting very clear: 

‘Being forced to encase yourself in six yards of cloth... I’d much rather be wrapped in a shroud!’ she tells her friend in a frank outburst. Her dislike of the garment is due to its excess yardage: ‘Someone who has never worn a saree may wonder where all the cloth goes. Well, much of it goes into the pleats... Yards and yards of pleats... We needed some large pins to keep the pleats in place... Who would have guessed that grown women would depend on nappy pins to keep their clothes up?’ 

There is no better portrait of how these clothing restrictions and constrictions operate to infantilise professional women. ‘Industrial strength nappy pins’ according to Aloysius’s protagonist, need to be attached to hold the saree in place; as the alternative, trusting to one’s posture, and shoulder blades, results in a lot of loose chiffon continually flying in the breeze. This looks good in a film, or in a photo shoot, but really gets in one’s way in daily life. 

Obviously, an unadorned, longish skirt or trousers, and a blouse or shirt with a coat for more formal events, would be preferable as a choice of working attire for many women who are seeking to actually be productive and efficient in the workplace, rather than feeling solely ornamental, and being objectified as being merely pleasing to the eye. 

The attitudes towards more simple and efficient workplace dress codes have been conflated with ‘Westernisation’ of cultural values; and this has been used by many traditionalists to prompt the airing of negative attitudes towards the liberation of women in general. Women - especially those teaching young people - should, according to Sri Lankan traditionalists, be exemplars of conservative social values: modest, soft spoken, gentle, restrained. 

Some people object to women wearing makeup to enhance their facial features; some object to them cutting their hair short, or coloring it; some to them having tattoos or facial jewellery; some to them wearing their hair loose. Clothing is a form of self expression and also a pleasure. People should have the right to choose appropriate attire in their professional life. To dictate and enforce what they can and cannot wear denies them the dignity of freedom of personal choice in their everyday life. 

Men’s conduct and appearance are not comparably policed. In fact, men in contrast are granted very noticeable freedoms in their dress and conduct. And the freedoms granted them are more often abused. Gender parity and a focus on professionalism and objectivity would enable everyone to focus on the work they are doing, and on the quantity and quality of the work, instead of half the population being subjected to the unnecessary intrusiveness and enforcement of double standards currently evident in this sphere. 

Dr. Tara De Mel makes the point in an interview in The Morning that she finds the furore unnecessary: “I really don’t know why there is an ‘uproar’ or why there should be a  ‘dress code’ for teachers or any public servant... Shouldn’t it be a personal choice of the wearer? As long as it is respectable and appropriate for the profession.”

It is a pity that this free falling garment, a beautiful emblem of national pride, the wearing of which is a rite of passage for many young girls, and fabulous in the right place and the right time, is being used in 2022 to fetter the freedoms of professional women and diminish their right to self regulation.

She Said/He Said

 

By Lilanka Botejue and Devika Brendon 

Much has been written and said in the last few days, since the news was released that a Sri Lankan cricketer has been charged with sexual assault by an Australian woman. 

Between the memes, lewd jokes and knowing digs, what is clear to many is that Sri Lankans have a very woolly idea when it comes to what entails consent in the area of sex. The immediate assumption is that if a woman invites a man to her home, she has given him consent to have sex. Starting from the fact that the accuser met the cricketer on a dating app, Tinder, this in itself has been touted as proof of her intention to have sex. 

Consent with regard to any kind of sexual activity involves the ability to withdraw consent at any point during the encounter, and this is clearly articulated in the current Australian law, in the jurisdiction of the State of NSW, where the alleged incident took place. Many Sri Lankans – women as much as men – are making remarks on social media along the lines of “it takes two to tango” and “she invited him to her house so she was asking for it”. This kind of response highlights the ignorance which is normalized in our culture about rights and responsibilities in the sexual realm. 

The idea of withdrawing consent even during an act of sex is alien to many Sri Lankans, as evidenced by the arguments presented on social media. The lines are blurring between morality and sexual deviancy in a very troubling manner, where it is apparently considered almost expected or acceptable for a woman to be raped if she invited a man to her home, and a cultural double standard portrays her as desperate or amoral for wanting to have sex with someone. 

A male friend recently described how there have been instances where he was invited to a woman’s home with the intention to have sex, but did not even receive a kiss, and they just spent the night together without any kind of sexual activity. And this is perfectly acceptable. Even if at some point the intent was to have sex, anyone is free to withdraw that consent, and is under no obligation to go through with an act with which they are not comfortable. This applies not just to women, but for any person concerned. 

Sri Lanka’s laws are quite clear on certain aspects of consent without which a sexual act would be considered rape. Consent obtained through threat of force, fear and intimidation is not considered consent for sexual intercourse. Furthermore, a person who is not sound of mind – including being unconscious, or intoxicated – cannot give consent for sexual intercourse as per the law. These guidelines are quite clear, although they do not explicitly articulate at which instance consent can be withdrawn. 

https://www.themorning.lk/sexual-offences-in-sri-lanka-the-professional-insight/ *

What is clear is that everyone exercising their right to free expression on social media is also exposing their own beliefs - about gender rights, sexual violence, the status of men and women in Australia and Sri Lanka respectively, differential sexual freedoms, and above all what constitutes sexual consent between adults. 

Australia has recently clarified its definitions of consent, as recently as July this year. Under these new laws, consent to sexual activity must be positive and explicit, not assumed in the absence of a ‘No’ or reluctance on the part of one of the parties. 

https://www.newswire.lk/2022/11/07/danushka-arrest-details-on-nsw-new-consent-laws-which-came-into-effect-in-juy/

The accused in this case is said to have had disciplinary inquiries in the past, with regard to his conduct in terms of training, team discipline and conducting himself in a manner suitable for a national cricketer. Of course, a person is innocent until proven guilty and one cannot arbitrarily use instances of the past to prove a present day situation. However, there are many accounts that speak of interference from management and figures of influence who have aided in his impunity all these years. 

If this is the case, it furthers the ‘jock mentality’ of Sri Lankans, who feel that certain athletes should be excused for their bad behaviour because they possess a talent that is seen as a national asset. This recalls the Brock Turner judgment in the U.S., where a young man was given a light sentence by the judge so that he could further his swimming career, regardless of the fact that he raped a woman. Such instances really question the moral compass of a society that is willing to excuse a heinous crime like sexual assault, on the basis that the person possesses a talent that must be guarded. 

https://www.espncricinfo.com/story/t20-world-cup-danushka-gunathilaka-denied-bail-suspended-by-slc-from-all-forms-of-cricket-1343733

Having his past actions overlooked or excused may have emboldened the accused to behave in the same way he behaves in Sri Lanka, in a foreign country, not appreciating the differences in cultural norms and values, or believing he will not be impacted by them. 

What has not been highlighted in the media is the alleged perpetrator’s refusal to wear protection. There is a segment of Sri Lankan society that takes pride in not wearing condoms or using contraceptives, as they feel it adversely affects their sensory pleasure in the experience. This is very problematic, as contraceptives like condoms prevent STIs and pregnancy, and are a precautionary measure that should be taken seriously. A cavalier attitude to such things points to an undue reliance on patriarchal privilege, which Sri Lanka unfortunately seems to exalt.

Much of the commentary on the case has shown the interest taken by the Sri Lankan public in the processes by which the case will be investigated and assessed under Australian law, because the accused has been denied bail, and is in custody in Australia. 

In Sri Lanka, justice for victims of sexual assault, rape and abuse is a slow, tortuous and inequitable process, and many perpetrators are never held accountable for their actions. Women who accuse men in cases like this, in their subjugated and disempowered condition of implied inferiority, and second class citizenship status in Sri Lanka, are routinely mocked and disbelieved; and toxic masculinity and gross entitlement are evident in the assumptions made about who said and did what. 

The way Sri Lankan women as well as men have rushed to judgement and assumed that the accuser in this case is of low moral character because she met the accused on the Tinder dating App is very indicative of the misogynistic beliefs to which they have been subjected, and by which they now judge and assess others.  

In the middle of all the social media chaos, there are many men standing up for women in general by refusing to share the abhorrent memes that have been churned out ad nauseum, and who have publicly said they are ashamed at how many people are rape apologists,  openly siding with the accused, calling him ‘our boy’, diminishing his responsibility, and saying he needs to be defended against being victimized. He is not a boy, but a man in his early thirties. 

The racist and sexist stereotypes imposed by defensive citizens of Sri Lanka is also most repellantly and raucously manifest in the way some Sri Lankans on social media have described the accuser as ‘white trash’ and a ‘gold digger’. Australian women are often seen by Sri Lankan men as sexually liberated, and formed by a permissive culture, because they enjoy greater freedoms of all kinds - and exercise these with less shaming and hostility directed towards them - than women do, in comparatively repressed Sri Lanka. 

These hypocritical and classist projections fail to take into account the background of the accused. Because his status as a celebrity cricketer brings him admiration and respect in the performance of his sport, positive assumptions are made about him, in contrast to the woman who has accused him of disrespect, and violence towards her. 

In Sri Lanka, a charge of sexual assault made against a prominent man would most probably not even reach the courts. What would such a claim achieve, in terms of justice, in a jurisdiction like Australia, where women’s rights are not routinely dismissed? It is a 2 billion LKR question. 

The correlation between macho sports and toxic misogyny is well established. Celebrity golfers, tennis players, athletes, cricketers and rugby football players are often in the news headlines,  charged with sexual offenses. 

The expatriate Sri Lankan community in Australia, in a spirit of hospitality, has been organizing night parties for the cricket team since they landed, according to media reports. The team has gone to clubs and casinos, and accepted invitations to house parties. Some had even shared their rooms, with women sharing their living spaces. Members of the team attended booze parties till the early hours of the morning on days when they were representing their country in international matches. Athletes cannot perform well on the field while representing their country with a lifestyle like this. The codes of conduct which appear to have become normalized as shown by this incident are below the standard required of international cricketers. It is not only the ‘irresponsible individual’ who needs to re-evaluate his behaviour, but the administration and management who  have enabled it. 

There are hugely normalized beliefs in sports-loving societies that boys will be boys, and that those superstars who play hard on the field should play equally hard off it, and in fact should play the field hard, as a socially acceptable badge of male prowess and virility. But Australia in recent years, with the progress of its Me Too Movement, has successfully shown that such narcissistic affirmations disempower half the citizenry, and should therefore be challenged, re-evaluated and changed. 

There are many who see this as a landmark case, because both societies are at a tipping point. As one elder statesman recently said: 

“Social media commentary shows up Lankan attitudes in general, and especially the nationalistic miasma that lurks among chauvinists.  The complainant is ‘deadmeat’ in the minds of Lankan confreres.” But she is not in Sri Lanka, and her right to privacy is respected in Australia. 

The ‘dude bros’ of all genders on both sides of the Indian Ocean are - of course - busy belittling, objectifying and slut-shaming the ‘girl’ (who is 29), https://mawratanews.lk/news/we-do-not-confess-guilt-dhanushka-is-not-guilty-video/

saying ‘it is a common occurrence in all big time sport. To the victorious hero or sportsman goes the spoils.’ Women draped around prizewinning athletes like trophies, publicly showing their adoration, their respect, their attention and their admiration, are seen as part of the rightful gains of a winner in toxic masculinist culture. 

The accused’s legal team and supporters will say he is being scapegoated. People in damage control mode trying to rectify Sri Lanka’s public image will say this is a one off incident: https://www.newswire.lk/2022/11/09/irresponsible-act-sl-sports-minister-apologizes-to-australia/ ,

and try to make the case that although the accused represents Sri Lanka in international cricket, he does not represent the attitudes of the culture which formed him.

The ‘gold digger’ or ‘extortion’ claim made by the Court of Public Opinion against the accuser seems baseless, in the current economic situation, where the disparities between Australia and Sri Lanka are highlighted. The accuser’s legal team has apparently demanded 100,000 AUD from the accused as settlement. 

100,000 AUD would purchase about ten days of legal representation by a barrister, at 10,000 AUD per full day in Court in Sydney. This does not seem like ‘gold digging’ in Australian terms. Australia is - and has been for many years - one of the most expensive countries in the world to live in. But in Sri Lankan currency, currently devalued due to the ongoing economic crisis, this amount is currently over 2 billion LKR. 

It will not be fair or just to scapegoat one man. However, if this incident is treated as a one-off national embarrassment, and hastily buried and glossed over, it will conceal the fact that under the myths and golden legends we prefer to believe about our society, is a veritable hotbed of pending issues. There are many other cases of violations of decent and ethical conduct, locally and internationally, that are occurring regularly, but which do not emerge into public knowledge, because the nation as a whole would prefer to feel pride rather than shame. 

However, the more such coverups go on, the less genuine self respect and more shame and embarrassment the citizens of the country will feel. 

If we look at Australia as a ‘civilized country’ today, this is because its citizens have increasingly chosen laws which uphold the rights of its citizens, and clearly define what is and is not a crime and an offence. This positive trajectory has happened slowly, over many years, and with a lot of activism and protest, which gradually made the majority of its citizens aware of issues about which they had formerly been ignorant. 

The entrenched misogyny directed at Australia’s first female PM, Julia Gillard, has been constructively challenged instead of laughed off and normalized. 

'Our next female prime minister will be treated differently' — 10 years on from the misogyny speech — ABC News

https://apple.news/AX8qEiWcyQ7ubCY3BadYphQ

Anti-discrimination law has been clarified and tightened. 

Australians two decades ago bravely investigated child sex abuse charges even against public figures, against strong opposition by people who felt that it was wrong to question the conduct of such people. The rights of the vulnerable have been far more greatly recognised in recent decades in Australia as a result of these public debates. This has resulted in a more decent and respectful, civilized society. But it is the product of collective effort. 

Australia is not perfect. However, in this area, in its willingness to choose to do better, to create greater justice and equity for its citizens, it could be seen as exemplary. But only if - in the areas of greater respect for the status and dignity of women and clarification of consent - its example is followed. This case could be a wake up call for the citizens of Sri Lanka. This outcome has a better chance of occurring through the matter being judged in the legal system of Australia. That in itself is a truth worth facing. 

The question that we need to ask in Sri Lanka is: What do we do about educating people on consent? Education on ethical and moral values needs to start at home, at schools, among families and youth groups. This is why Sex Education with an understanding of present day requirements is important. Many Sri Lankan people think Sex Education means teaching children how to have sex and equating it to porn.  Religious authorities, politicians and various elements have interfered in the education of youth in this area, which has resulted in the younger generation not knowing where to make and respect boundaries, or draw the lines with regard to sexual conduct – and not knowing how to manage natural feelings of desire and dealing with issues of self worth, self awareness and consent, in a society where their sexual desires are stigmatized and they are often silenced, shamed and forcefully suppressed. 

There is currently a huge problem in urban schools of nude photographs being shared on social media, as a form of blackmail and extortion. These are glossed over and denied because of Victorian era codes of morality and shame factors which only exacerbate the situation, and offer no relief or recourse for people. The more we pretend and hide behind these veneers of touted culture, the more these things fester and grow. And the results are what we are witnessing today. 

For many women who have been victims of rape or sexual assault, this incident is a reminder of how much further Sri Lanka has to progress, in this regard. With a rape conviction rate of less than 5%, the country’s track record for justice in these instances is shamefully inadequate. 

An acquaintance was relating her experience with rape in Sri Lanka, where she was told by the police that since she was sexually active it cannot be considered rape, as it is rape only if it is a virgin who has been violated. She was also told that since she is physically big, she should have fought him off. Arguments like this are symptomatic of the judgmental attitude many institutions in this country have with regard to victims of sexual assault. Who wants to come forward to seek justice, if this is the attitude and the response from the authorities concerned?

There is a fine line between wanting some semblance of puritan morality for oneself and then imposing that on others who do not follow a similar belief system; and imposing punishment on them for wanting to do so. The forbidden fruit – sex – has always been the measurement of a woman’s virtue and chastity in a very patriarchal sense, and this incident is highlighting to what extent it is still so.

Sri Lankans can grow from this incident, and see it as a challenge, or reveal our wish to shame and blame and evade cultural accountability. We can grow up, or stay morally immature as a culture. What is clear today is that remaining in stasis, legally, ethically and culturally, in a world which is progressing, developing and advancing, will result in our going backwards, rather than forwards as a nation. And the younger generation are watching to see what our celebrities, authority figures and decision makers are putting forward, and endorsing, as models of good behaviour.