Childhood books, still my favourites

 

Devika Brendon is an educator, reviewer, journalist, writer and a bookworm. She was awarded First Class Honours in English Literature at the University of Sydney, and holds a PhD in English Literature from Monash University. She is a teacher of English language and literature, and a literary mentor to emerging writers of all ages. Devika’s poetry and short stories have been published in journals and anthologies in Sri Lanka, Australia, India and Italy, and now she works as the consultant editor at FemAsia and. is also on the editorial board of New Ceylon Writing.


Q: What is your favourite book?

A: The books that I loved in my childhood are still my favourites. The ones that probably had the biggest impact on me were the Earthsea series by Ursula Le Guin. Not just the trilogy, but the fourth one as well, which was published 20 years later.

Q: Why do you like it?

A: I liked the story arc, the difficult main character with his wilful stubbornness and pride, and the wisdom he learns from his failures. I loved the writing: Le Guin’s own knowledge and intellectual curiosity was fused in the story with the fantasy setting she created. Her writing style is so beautiful and clear and clean, uncluttered and precise.

Q:How about the characters?

A: Ged is a person on an epic journey, a flawed individual who came to understand the stages of a person’s life, and certainly that sense of quest is something I felt drawn to. There were not many female characters in books at that time who had adventures like that. In the fourth book, Tehanu, there is strong discussion about that, as he unites with Tenar, whose life paralleled his own, but who didn’t have the freedom he had to confront and create his destiny.

Q: How did you find the book?

A: This series was given to my brother and me by our neighbours, and it began a lifelong love for adventure, fantasy and science fiction stories in both of us. I was eight years old when I first read these, and the world was full of joy, and felt safe, not as dark and troubled as it is now.

Q: Did you use libraries?

A: I loved libraries. At my first school, we had book bags and we were allowed to borrow as many books as we could carry! This love of libraries continued into my university days, and into my doctoral studies, when I did research at the Duke Humfrey library in Oxford - where the oldest books are chained to the reading desks, because they are so valuable. Old books fascinate me - their texture, the ornate print, and their beautiful illustrations. I was given a first edition of a book by Jonathan Swift as a graduation gift by my father, and it is one of the most treasured books in my own library. I researched Dr. Swift’s writing for my PhD, and to actually hold a book that he had published as a young author himself in the early 1700s is an amazing experience.

Q: What is your favourite literature?

A: I can read French, but English is my first reading language. I love a broad range of literature - historical fiction, politics, satire, detective fiction, biography, memoir, philosophy, romance, speculative fiction, essays, as well as poetry, light fiction, manga and fairy tales, myths and legends. If I like a writer’s style of writing and respect their way of thinking, I will gradually build a whole collection of their work. Donna Leon for example, has created a very interesting character called Brunetti who solves mysteries in Venice. The descriptions and details of the City and his life and family are more interesting to me than the solution of each mystery. I like feeling the different atmospheres of countries and societies when I read - books set in Sweden or Iceland are very different from those set in Africa, India or Spain. The contrasts of character and codes of behaviour are fascinating.

Q: How do you select a book to read?

A: I select books depending on my mood and the context of what I’m working on at the time. Since the coronavirus crisis, I’ve been reading a lot of Agatha Christie, whose succinct portrayals of character and setting over so many decades are so satisfying. I’ve also been reading flashy escapist thrillers by Dan Brown about the end of the world, and Georgette Heyer’s Regency romances, and Tagore’s poetry, and Tolkien.

Q: Do you have a personal library?

A: I’ve been building my personal library since I was a young person. My mother used to read to us when we were little, and we were given books as birthday gifts when growing up. At school, we belonged to book clubs where we could order paperback books which were delivered by mail, which was very exciting! I still have favourite bookshops which let me know when books come in. I arrange the books according to era and subject matter.

Q: What are your reading habits?

A: I read every day, and usually in the afternoon and evening. I can read anywhere - if the book is interesting I can’t hear or see anything else. I try not to read after 8pm in case I read into the early hours of the next day and miss out on sleep! I write in the mornings, and I like to write notes in an unlined book and then develop it straight onto my phone.

Q: Which is the more interesting: Reading or writing?

A: Reading is like stepping into someone else’s created world. Writing is immersing yourself into a world you create yourself. It’s so exciting! I’ve written short stories so far, but am working on longer stories now, and it is literally a parallel universe that draws you in, a path your own hand creates. You’re discovering your own ideas and beliefs as the characters develop.

Q: How do you feel when you read a marvelous, touching book?

A: I am very responsive to great literature, very open to being impacted by new ideas, and am moved even by very touching passages in an otherwise bland or cliched popular story, like Me Before You. I find the closing pages of the first book of The Hunger Games unbearably sad and beautifully written. I found the opening chapters of the first book of the Game ofThrones fascinating. That story line of the family members all being suddenly forced to go their different ways is a mythic starting point. Like the story of the Pandavas ( five brothers) in the Mahabharata.

Q: What do you think of the present readership in society?

A: Everyone I know reads, today. Not only my friends and colleagues and students, but so many people of all ages are reading for pleasure at every stage in life. It’s more engaging and imaginative and effortful than passively watching a story unfold on a screen. You get to know and feel for so many human beings and their lives through the written word.

Q: Do you read Sinhala novels?

A: I learned to read and write in English, and because it is an international language, there is a vast range of literature accessible, and there was a mix of all kinds of books available to me in every country from a young age. Books are the biggest component of what I own, and moving house is very difficult for that reason! I carry a book with me everywhere I go.

Q: Any advice to an aspiring writer and a reader?

A: My advice is to create time to read in your daily life. Through reading, you connect to other worlds, other times and other people’ situations and see how they dealt with the human experiences we all share. To be swept up in a story someone is telling you, is to be enchanted. It’s not necessarily escapist - it can actually help you confront and face realities you might otherwise find it hard to process. If you don’t read, you are missing out. Swift scolded a young friend of his for laziness: ‘I never look at your work without wondering how a Brat who will not read can possibly write so well’. I agree with him on this 100 %.

Handmaids’ Tales

 

Photo courtesy of joinonelove

Today is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

The results of the recent election in the US have highlighted several concerns and one which is clearly of significance was the public preference for a male leader, however brazenly flawed, over the highly qualified female candidate. Racism definitely played its part as well but it is clear that convincing authority and leadership still look masculine to many people in 2024.

This appears to be true even if the male candidates have credible allegations of sexual assault and rape on record against them.

For the past few years, we in the End Sexual Violence Now (ESVN) campaign in Sri Lanka have sought to raise awareness in the community of the different kinds of violence that are perpetrated against women and girls in our society and in the global context, which operate to erode our rights, our freedom and our dignity.

It is discouraging that the backlash against the advances in feminist awareness that we have seen in recent years is so prevalent and that women are still being relegated to secondary or minor roles and spoken of and treated with disrespect on the global stage. The stoking of the gender wars, the rise of incels and the dislike and distrust and resentment of women is palpable, and particularly evident in South Asian societies where many men generally feel frustrated and disenfranchised.

Women who are articulate and proud of the work they do, who have a lot to say, appear to be not very shy or demure or self-deprecating and who do not feel the need to placate the egos of the men they work with are seen as unmindful, arrogant and too ambitious by their male colleagues.

Underlying almost every interaction in every workplace is this power differential, as men occupy disproportional numbers of the high positions in every sphere. Women entering the workforce like immigrants into a supremacist structure are expected to stay at entry level for years and accept inferior status and pay and recognition. Their words, if heard, are expected to not carry much weight. It is in this context that workplace harassment takes place. Disrespect that is deeply felt and has become ingrained does not stay hidden forever.

Mansplaining is something we experience almost every day. If the differential treatment women receive is pointed out, the invaded male entities complain that women are always playing the victim and getting benefits from doing so. What about men who are assaulted? Men who are victims of domestic violence? Men who are used as wallets? Men who are abused as young boys but who can’t even articulate what has happened to them because all the social attention is on the victimized girls?

Are women in 2024 still virtual immigrants in a masculinist hegemony? Still holding only minority status although statistically, in fact, outnumbering men? What violence is done to women’s worth and sense of value in such contexts as these? Do we die of exhaustion, falling short of our personal goals, drained of energy by a thousand micro-aggressions, gaslit to the grave?

Many men, and particularly men who feel frustrated by their own flatlining signs of vitality both professionally and personally, carry underlying grievances. And this insidious sense of grievance is often concealed under social niceties and the appearance of goodwill and respectability in South Asia.

So it takes us by surprise when men overreact to quite normal behavior or respond with surprising aggression when they are not agreed with or when they are asked to explain themselves or clarify their position in a discussion. Angry, stabbing motions become evident in their arm gestures, they raise their voices and make compulsive, numerous verbal attempts, both overt and covert, to undermine the dignity of the woman they are engaging with. And they say they can’t help it.

Some persist in discussing topics a woman has clearly stated she feels uncomfortable in speaking about such as Female Genital Mutilation, for example, and the “medical reasons” according to proponents of such practices as to why such interventions on the bodies of children might be “beneficial for reasons of hygiene”. Beneficial for which party, one can ask. Are men wanting to be protected from possible infection while the bodies of girls and women are subjected to hostile takeover, assault and battering ram behavior in so many contexts in the world today? Such hostile underlying disrespect is itself violent in many ways. No constructive discussion can take place in such contested territory.

The common ground between the genders has become noticeably narrower in the past serveral years. A sneering, irritated assumption that all feminists are “feminazis” is also very much on show once the social masks come off and so is the reactive, foregone conclusion that every woman must be trying to take away from every man she meets any shred of self respect he has or recognition of any admirable quality he still possesses.

Choosing personal peace in such hostile, occupied land is like progressing through a minefield. One attempts to keeps one’s head when all around you are losing their minds and blaming it on you. A recent article highlights a growing dissent by women in the context of this erosion of their sense of safety and dignity.

The 4B movement incepted by Korean women is one which counters violence with non-engagement. Having identified dating, marriage and the whole process of having and rearing children as unilateral and bearing mostly alone the emotional labor and physical and psychological exploitation inherent in the social roles imposed on them by their patriarchal context, many younger women have chosen to opt out.

Women who choose to be single, child free and have control over their time and their energy and their bodies are particularly threatening to those of a patriarchal mindset. Incel men, feeling cornered and driven into a state of passive aggression and emasculated, resent women’s power of choice as it is often, as they perceive it, exercised to exclude them. So they retaliate by portraying women as parasites who are trying to use men as providers of wealth and stability. This limited and stereotypical belief system fails to respect the greater range of capacity of both parties in any connection.

Margaret Atwood, who seems to have accurately predicted where the western world finds itself in gender wars today, has commented that while men are afraid that women will laugh at them, women are afraid that men will kill them. That’s the difference.

There are any amount of talking heads on the internet explaining many “widely-held beliefs” to us: high value men and high value women (high or low net worth in terms of income seem central to these valuations), toxic masculinity and toxic femininity versus divine masculinity and divine femininity and a myriad apologists in singlets (the right to bare arms) and tight fitting clothes influencing our assumptions.

Violence expresses itself in actions but is also manifest in words and tone and conduct and it is always sourced in beliefs, often unconscious beliefs formed in childhood and modelled by toxic family and cultural systems and never questioned or challenged by those who hold them.

To eliminate the violence in relation to the way women are currently treated, the beliefs of superiority/inferiority, strength/weakeness, power/powerlessness and value/worthlessness need to be honestly faced, understood and addressed in the privacy of our own homes before we go out and start perpetrating havoc in the lives of our fellow human beings.

4B, or not 4B, we will do well to opt for personal peace in our time. In a world at war, the only peace we can truly choose for sure is private.

Do Not Resuscitate

Image Credit: Informed Health

It is illegal to take one’s own life, in Sri Lanka. And in addition to the legal blocks, the cultural stigma against suicide is extended to the idea of ‘death with dignity’ or death which is chosen by an individual. It is not sanctioned by the State - all the major religions practised in Sri Lanka uphold doctrines which guide adherents to hold on, and trust that the Divine Creator God, by whatever name we call Him, knows better than we do, or that the suffering a person undergoes in life in purposeful, is connected to our karmic burden, and has a limit. ‘This too will pass’ is a mantra we are taught, all our lives.

http://graduate.sjp.ac.lk/icma/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/iCMA_abstract_2015_P120.pdf

In Australia, assisted death is becoming legalized, under certain conditions, including incurable health conditions, and proof that the individual seeks death with dignity, and not just an ‘easy way out’, on a difficult day. This is perfectly in keeping with the secular and progressive values of Australia, which respects the rights of individuals over the compliance to community beliefs which characterize traditional South Asian societies.

Life is certainly not meant to be easy, as one famous Australian politician once said:

Malcolm Fraser: Life wasn't meant to be easy

Why life wasn't meant to be easy

But the degree of suffering experienced by people is also not equal: chronic illness, constant physical pain, and no win situations which have no solution and no remedy affect the quality of life we experience. The last few years in particular, with the outbreak of the Covid pandemic five years ago, and the stresses and disruptions subsequently endured by the global citizenry - universally but differentially, by all of us - have highlighted this. Many people felt acute dissatisfaction with their working and living conditions, and have now started actively seeking their own happiness, even if that has involved risking unemployment or divorce or financial instability or other kinds of hardship, in the short term.

It’s necessary, in my opinion, for each person to ask themselves the big question several times, in their life: Is my life worth living? Not just is Life worth living? But is my unique individual life, as it is now, this moment, meaningful and worthwhile? And to be honest, sometimes the answer to that question is: No. What the individual does, after coming to this realisation, is very important. Usually, the feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction that prompt re-evaluation is caused by a specific situation or sometimes concurrent compounded issues, each of which has both an immediate remedy and a long term solution. Compounded issues can cause overwhelm.

Euthanasia is never going to be a solution for any problem that can be solved by a better approach, or a hard decision that needs to be taken which leads to a better life. Many difficult situations can be well managed, to a point where the problems they cause are not impacting us on a daily basis, and are effectively pushed back, allowing us to progress on a more positive path. It is important not to give up too soon.

Often our feelings cloud the ability we have to objectively weigh up the value of our lives. These feelings are transient, so acting on them in a way we cannot return from is a waste of our potential for happiness. To understand the difference between how we feel and what is really happening in our lives, we need to be able to de-stigmatize our less positive emotions, and not suppress them. By seeing them as signs that we can recalibrate our lives, and not feelings to be ashamed of, we can use them positively.

https://www.sundaytimes.lk/111127/Plus/plus_17.html

Democracy includes the ideas of pluralism, diversity and inclusion, of tolerance of the opinions and beliefs of others. In a modern progressive democracy, the dictates of cultural tradition would be questioned, and at times even challenged, if they interfere with the rights of an individual to act in accordance with their own wishes, as long as these actions do not adversely impact the society as a whole.

Within the framework of the law of the land, our rights and responsibilities create lines which are demarcated both formally and informally. Sri Lanka is a society which can be very traditional, conventional and conformist, and like many South Asian societies, expects people to suppress and repress their pursuit and exercise of individual freedoms for the benefit of the wider community.

Marriages are arranged, pressure is put on young people at every stage to adhere to their parents’ wishes in practically every area of life, from birth through education, to the gaining of qualifications, to choice of job, to marriage. Many people wonder if they are living their own lives, or the lives shaped for them by others. However, when it comes to the end of life, the right to die with dignity, if that is our choice, should surely not be interfered with.

The unexamined life is not worth living. This is well known:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_unexamined_life_is_not_worth_living

But the pace and business of life today makes it difficult to conduct these self examinations of our life at all, let alone regularly. I suggest that the traditional Biblical three score and ten years of a lifespan allotted to human beings is a wise one, encompassing the seasons of possibility we all potentially experience, from youth to maturity, and then peak wisdom.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34876119/

It is the challenge of our lives as human beings that, as we grow in intellectual and emotional wisdom and life experience, our bodies naturally deteriorate and weaken, as we age. The latter part of our lives is more likely to include serious health issues.

The quality of life encompasses far more than just physical survival. Human dignity includes safety, respect, cleanliness, kindness, joy, growth and the capacity to be supported in independence as long as possible. This becomes more important as we become more vulnerable.

In Western culture, individualistic and progressive, an individual’s life stages are defined in more material terms. We are born into a family within a social system, we become a legal adult aged about 18, we study or train for a profession, we become qualified, we start earning, and we build a family and work until we retire. There is only one life, according to Christian precepts, and this is it. And the value of our life is usually measured by what we earn, and the peak of our life is viewed as our retirement from work.

In the South Asian traditions, we are a student, and then a householder. But once our children are growing up, our life opens up rather than shuts down: we start to consider our spiritual journey. We step back from the hurry and the stress of our action-oriented working life, and we develop our inner and more contemplative life, in mindful preparation for the next birth. We work through our residual karma, to try and liberate our spirit, so that when our body ceases to function, we will be free of its limits and restrictions.

With the body we are allocated at birth comes the attachments that go with it. The facial features, the genetic attributes, the predispositions to good or bad health, the skin colour, the ethnic identity, even the cultural identity, are the externalised keys which turn in us to activate our actions. When we progress to the later stages of life, we realize that so many of these fiercely contested aspects of our identities are not that significant.

What matters is how we have conducted ourselves, and how we have played the hand we have been dealt. The content of our Highlights Reel looks different, through a less material and more spiritual frame.

If we are honest, we will recognise that the odds are in our favour in the early part of our life. Vitality, energy, optimism, egoism and survivalism all motivate us to build ourselves and the shape of our lives according to our ambitions.

We have, through the successful utilization of modern medicine, increased the years of our prime by 15-20 years, in the post Industrialization era, from ages 35-55. But we should not let this success make us feel all powerful and immune from the inevitable limits of our mortality. Because it is in this earlier era of life, while still compos mentis, that we make the choices about our life’s overall worth and value, and the legacy we leave.

As the odds start to shift against us, it is important that we realize that death with dignity is one every person would ideally prefer: at a time and a place of our choice; and as an action authorised and respected by the jurisdiction in which we live.