Duty Of Care

A friend of mine recently had a very stressful and discouraging experience with an Elderly Care facility in which her father was placed. As medical treatment and access to food and nutrition improves, the population ages. The extended family structure of many Sri Lankan families has provided support for this ageing population, who are cared for at home by their adult children, often with the help of staff. 

My friend had carefully selected this home, and it is an expensive one which looked good and promised excellent care and support for its residents. However, during the stressful period of curfew and lockdown, when her father became ill, she found that the reality of the ‘care’ her father was receiving was very different from what it had appeared to be. 

She found when she visited her father that he had deteriorated very rapidly. In her words: 

“ I called an ambulance to take Daddy to hospital, but got there and found him blazing hot! He was delirious and his whole body was trembling uncontrollably. I asked for his temperature to be checked. The nurse did not know how to read the thermometer!! I took it from her and found he had 101 C! 

And they did not know ! They said the doctors had visited him this morning so I asked how come they didn’t notice he had high fever. 

I gave Daddy 2 panadols, cooled his head with eau de cologne, and my son carried him and made him comfortable. I stayed with him for an hour, talking to him, stroking his hands, giving him water, till he stopped the tremors and began to relax. Fed him some lunch with great difficulty, and before leaving, asked for his temperature to be checked again. This time the other ‘nurse’ did it . She too could not read the old fashioned thermometer they had. It had gone up to 102 C when I checked! I checked again. Still 102. 

His carers hadn’t a clue what to do. 

I asked for an ice cap. They pulled out Daddy’s woollen beanie!

These are “NURSES”?

Thank God they had ice, which I had them put in a plastic bag and wrap in a pillow case and place on his head. 

I told him I’d bring some ice cream and jelly for him in the evening . They don’t give him any special food like that, even though he finds it difficult to swallow. 

So many things are going through my mind. I feel angry, sad, frustrated, and helpless. I visited Daddy the day the curfew was lifted, and was utterly shocked to see how he had deteriorated. 

From being a man who was so alert, with a perfect memory and mentally so active, sitting in his wheelchair and surprising visitors with his sharp mind, to a skeletal, mumbling, frail and weak invalid who falls over when helped to sit up, all within just these past two months!

We searched the whole of Colombo and suburbs for months for the best Elders Home available, and picked this facility despite the premium rates they charge, because it was so well maintained, and claimed to provide 24 hour medical attention. It is owned and run by two doctors. 

Everything was initially fine: he was getting good food, was bathed every morning, and his room spotlessly clean. 

Then he suddenly fell ill, and within a week became unable to speak and wasn’t his usual self. The doctors told me his health was perfect and “he’s 98 years old so you have to accept this”. I could not accept that, and took him to a private hospital and a blood test confirmed that his thyroid levels had gone through the roof and he could’ve got into a coma or died! An adjustment to his thyroxine medication, and twice daily visits by me at mealtimes to feed him and ensure he had plenty of other nourishment brought him back to normal.

When I informed the doctors about their neglect, they responded by handing me a letter to remove Daddy from the facility! 

Then came the curfew and I was not allowed to visit Daddy. But I spoke with him frequently on the phone and he was doing fine. 

I was so frustrated at not being allowed to see him. They told me if I took him to hospital he would not be allowed back into the facility. 

I kept sending extra nourishment for him and the nurses kept telling me he was much better.

On Tuesday, as soon as curfew was lifted, I visited Daddy. And found him weak and skeletal and unfocused. 

Calls to the doctors met with them hanging up the phone and sending me a text giving me a June 5th deadline to remove Daddy from their Home! 

This is how these “Homes” are run. There are 2 young girls, not more than 20-21 years old, in nurses uniforms running the entire place. No Matron, no supervision. They do as they want! What happens if there’s a medical emergency? 

The two doctors (who own and run several of these “Homes for Elders”) apparently rarely go there. They just collect the huge fees they charge. 

Whilst I was there, Daddy asked for water and one of them poured water from a plastic mug into his open mouth whilst he lay flat on his back!!  I asked why they didn’t use a straw, and they said they didn’t have any! Daddy could easily have aspirated that water and developed pneumonia or got asphyxiated. 

My telephone call to the doctor was answered with: “We have asked you to remove your father from the Home so please do so” - and the phone was hung up, and my calls thereafter were cut off. 

This is how these heartless “doctors“ care for the helpless, elderly people in their care. 

I have not slept since seeing Daddy like that. I’m convinced he’s not even being fed or hydrated. He was covered with purple bruises. 

My heart aches for him. I wish I could bring him home and care for him myself. 

I will somehow find a way to do this. 

And I will do everything possible to get these money making houses of horror exposed and brought under some government regulations.”

As more families have two working parents, with young children to care for as well as jobs and professional careers, and the cost of living increases and wages do not increase in step with them, the care of our elderly family members is a real challenge for Sri Lankan society. 

Our parents and grandparents are at a vulnerable stage of their lives, having given their children all their resources and support to establish them in their own lives as well as they can. They deserve respect, dignity and protection in their final years.