Enlarged Heart

My beloved brother passed away suddenly last week, and there were no obvious reasons why. Only after post mortem examination was it determined that he had what is described as an enlarged heart, and one of the major blood vessels to the heart had ruptured suddenly. The doctors said it would have  taken only a minute, and happened in his sleep. 

When I saw him, he looked as if he was sleeping. There were plastic bags and nozzles and hospital debris littering the floor where the doctors had tried for over an hour to resuscitate him. I was told the hospital staff would clear it, but I could not bear to see it, and cleared it and put it in the bin before my parents came. Later that desolate day, I identified his body at the morgue, to spare my parents from having to do it.

He was my childhood companion, and playmate in every adventure. And as we grew up over the years, and faced life’s adversities, I greatly valued him as a gentle, kind, compassionate person, sympathetic and understanding. In that sense too, he had an enlarged heart. Many people who have come to pay their respects over the last few days have commented on this loving kindness, the noble virtue that characterized him. 

I have to say a few words today at his farewell ceremony. And what is in my mind, as I prepare for that, is a sign I saw at the Coroner’s office above a doorway.  A Latin sign, which translates as: ‘The dead teach the living’. 

Both of us loved reading, and discussed films and plays and novels and legends with enthusiasm. We shared music and a love of mythology, speculative fiction and popular culture, including Asterix and the music of Bruce Springsteen. But the greatest teaching he gave me was the person he was. 

I notice that he consistently gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. He was generous in his appreciation of others. He did not narrowly judge people. His love was unconditionally given. And these are difficult lessons to learn, for some of us. It helps if there is a person in your life who embodies these qualities. 

We used to walk in the early morning on Galle Face, with the sun rising and the crows squawking and chat while we walked, me gesticulating dramatically with my arms, he calmly proceeding beside me, while interspersing succinct comments. We liked walking so much we even got raincoats, so we could continue even in the rainy season. 

I am so glad to have known such a wonderful human being so closely, and so thankful for being able to share such an enormous amount of time and so many life experiences with him. 

My grief today is immeasurable. But not only do I know he is in a blessed place, I know that he made our lives deeper and more meaningful, by his presence in our lives. He made us see life and human beings differently. 

The last words he said to me were ‘I adore you’- and the feeling is mutual.