The J Word

‘Tis the season to be jolly, right? But that’s not the ‘J’ word we are looking at today. There’s a great weight of Judgmentalism that Colombo types impose on each other. And it literally kills the Christmas vibe, which should be all about love, forgiveness and compassion. What is the cause of this terrible character flaw that seems to be a national trait, despite the teachings of Buddhism, Christianity, Islam and Hinduism, alike? Why is it that so many people in this island are so quick to judge and brutalise each other, by assuming the worst of everyone?


Colombo is full of poisonous old aunties - of all genders. Which group are the worst? Probably the frustrated 60 and over ladies, who used to be lovely when they were young, but have not aged gracefully.


Having to deal with philandering husbands, ungrateful children and false friends has left them feeling bitter and betrayed. Dealing with the everyday frustrations of life also makes them sour and cynical. And any hope for the future has cumulatively dwindled away, as the years increase.


As for the younger crowd, the ‘not so fabulous forties’, the materialistic values to which they subscribe make them shallow and competitive. It’s a veritable jousting match of designer labels and conspicuous consumption, which not only illustrates their bad taste but is actually an insensitive and obscene display, in a society where so many are underprivileged.


The image we prefer to have of ourselves is of smiling, easygoing islanders, always up for a good time. But speak to the younger people, in their twenties and thirties, all queuing up to seek a better life elsewhere, and they will say it’s not only economic betterment they are looking for, but a less judgmental, critical and punishing social milieu.



The mindset of tearing people down, cutting them down to size, and putting them in their place is a vicious one, and psychologists say that the people who display it are themselves the product of a harsh and critical environment, where they always felt harassed and got at, and not encouraged or supported. The negative comments people routinely make, whether malicious, or unthinking, are often traumatic for the recipient. And if they do not recognize that, and choose better in their own actions, they will perpetuate the damage.


Of course, judgmental people have terrible relationship difficulties. They are so busy saying no one measures up to their high standards that they see no good in anyone, don’t acknowledge anyone’s effort, and are utterly ungrateful. This makes them their own worst enemy, as people move away from them, feeling uncomfortable and oppressed in their company.


This Christmas season, let us try to overcome the tendency we have to see the worst in ourselves and each other, which is at the heart of Judgmentalism. Let us give each other the grace of wholehearted acceptance. It’s a gift that really keeps on giving.